There are some things you just don’t admit to in person. That time I let loose a real silent-but-deadly when I, alas, wrongly assumed the group would keep walking, comes to mind. But behind the anonymity of the internet, I’m free to release my thoughts and opinions, no matter how stupid, upon the unsuspecting reader. So here’s another shocker. I’m genuinely, unironically, looking forward to the upcoming Jurassic World movie.
You see, the Dumb-Hollywood-Action-Movies that every person with even the slightest sense of pride professes to hate are, for me at least, quite fun to watch. I liked watching Matrix-man drive a speeding bus over a bridge-ramp, or Bruce Willis jumping down an elevator shaft, or Tony Abbott doing iron-man challenges (which isn’t Hollywood, or a movie, but satisfies the other criteria just fine). And it’s not because they’re all fun to laugh at -not entirely at least-; it’s because they’re made to be exciting, to keep you on the edge of your seat, to make you want to see how it ends in a huge explosion of action, hopefully in a literal sense. You can talk to me about how flawlessly Kenneth Branagh explored the themes in Hamlet till the cows come home but the fact is, when I watched Hamlet I fell asleep and when I watched Rambo my eyes were like saucers. When I’m watching entertainment, I want to be entertained. Explosions and violence entertain me. There, I said it.
And it’s the same story with music. My views can be quite comprehensively summed up in a conversation with a friend on the subject:
Him [noticing Call Me Maybe in my playlist]: “Why do you have so many bad songs?”
Me: “Well, I dunno, it’s really catchy!”
“A song being catchy doesn’t mean it’s good.”
Now, why is that? Why does a song need to be deep to be good? All I’m doing is listening to a tune whilst doing boring work, and frankly, I can only decipher the lyrics about 10% of the time anyway. I like Call Me Maybe every bit as much as I like Riptide; as far as I’m concerned, they both have catchy tunes, therefore I like them. If I could, I’d have filled my playlist with generic pop. Sadly, the awkward ‘are you serious’ looks became a too much for me, so I’ve retreated from brainless contemporary pop to brainless early 2000’s pop, using ‘nostalgia’ and ‘retro’ as an excuse. Sigh.
And so we come to the Jurassic Park franchise, and Jurassic World. The first Jurassic Park was one of those few action movies that people could be proud of liking; it had an interesting idea behind a fairly solid plot, and dinosaurs were a novel catalyst for action scenes. Now, I’ll admit the two movies that followed didn’t have many ideas or much plot, but, like I said, all I really wanted to see were action scenes, and they did just fine in that department. I mean, people are fighting FREAKING DINOSAURS, what’s there to hate? For the next movie, I hear there’s going to be genetically engineered super-dinosaurs. Of course it’s stupid, but wow, does that sound exciting or what!