I’ll get straight to the point. Those stools are annoying and I don’t know why they exist.
You’re going to the bar and want to have a drink. You’re either tired from a long day and want to forget all about it, or you’re excited at the start of your night out. Why does a stool that you have to effectively climb onto need to be a part of this? Why can’t people just have normal chairs?
For one thing, some high-set round tables and their accompanying stools are places for trendy bar-restaurants to cram lower-class no-reservation scum into, serving a similar function to the economy vs first class check-in queues at airports or The Daily Telegraph vs Freaking Anything Else for reading. Annoyingly, it’s actually worked on me; after repeatedly having to eat at high tables, I grudgingly made a reservation at a fairly popular and trendy restaurant and got the coveted Actual Seats With Seatbacks. Goddamn restaurant impeding on my right to be unprepared.
But this doesn’t explain all of them. Some bars only have high-set stools and tables. Short of some weird masochistic appeal for hipsters, they can’t be punishing everyone, can they?
See, I think they only exist because people are used to seeing them from before. We’re conditioned to think that this is the norm, much like how we’re conditioned to think that Kyle & Jackie O are funny, or that they deserve their radio timeslot, or that they have a right to be on radio at all, or that they shouldn’t be brutalised and sent to a Texan prison for the rest of their lives, contemplating how we’re all dumber for having listened to them. We somehow think that when drinking at a bar, we need to be high off the ground, in perpetual fear of falling off to a bloody, King Kong-esque death. Well, I am.
We must challenge this acceptance. We need our shit-stirrers, our modern-day Susan Sontags, to change the way we think. These stools are the cancer of human history. We need to start boycotting these bars until they give us normal goddamn chairs! We need to act now.
I have to go now because I’m late to a meet-up at the pub.